Work....

I've been writing a lot about work lately, I guess that is because lots of things have been going on. This week works was sort of odd, my first 'Key key' graduated, so that was really great to see. I had a great bond with him and good talks about getting away from small town Manitoba and how to drink in moderation. Team meetings, which are usually the worst part of the week, actually went fine--my incident with another staff wasn't brought up. I am still a bit torn if I should stay, I like the work..but I keep on thinking I can find similar work in Winnipeg.

So yesterday I got a call from a job I applied for last week, so I'll check it out. I think a lot of it depends on money and stuff as bad as that sounds its a reality of life. One benefit would be the proximity, it would be in Winnipeg..therefore I wouldn't be spending 150-200 on gas each month. I guess we will see, I know the work will not be as rewarding...I think...at BHF we have various educational seminars (Anger Management, Substance Abuse Awareness, Life Skills, Grief & Loss, etc), so I think it would have to be considerably more money. I also just got my benefits through work, which are free so Trisha and I can see the dentist for the first time in along time. I am a bit torn...I am planning to see my good friends Joey and Jen in Yellowknife in April, if I switched companies that would have to be put on hold. I guess there is just a lot of things to think about...I always come back to that I would leave BHF over a staff not the teens. I always thought that BHF and me are a great fit, the kind of place I can stay for along time. Oh well I am rambling, things will have played themselves out within a week.

Life at BHF

Well I must say working at BHF has been a roller coaster as of late. The bad is a co-worker who at time is very good, particularly as it relates to one on one counselling and organizing and helping new staff understand paper work. However, I think she gets stressed out very easily and reacts strongly in certain situation and uses words without thinking about the consequences. This past week she used the word blackmail in a situation, if that is the correct use of the word then blackmail happens everyday in schools around Canada. So anyways I laughed a her use of the word in front of teen, who took offense to my laughter. I am definitely at fault for that, which followed by me getting sick the next day due to stress at work. Thankfully we've had a couple of chats not related to that incident, but the conversations have been peaceful. I guess just part of working with peopel who have a different temperment than I do. The good is on Wednesday I will be graduating my first 'key kid', which is pretty exciting and stressful at the same time.

So I started looking for work elsewhere, but at my core I do not want to leave because I am skeptical that working with teens in a different setting will not compare to the healing and restoration that happens at BHF and at the same time if things continue I can't stay and with having to drive 45 min each way to work just adds to my motivations to leave.

I guess we will see how things work out....

A interesting chart on emergent...

I know we all hate labels in regard to emerging church stuff, but it is helpful at times to look at these, espeically when you hear people talk about emerging christians/church all beleive the same things. Scot McKnight has posted an interesting chart on his blog . I think depending on the day I would belong anywhere from emerging to emergent, but definitely to the right of Mark Driscoll. I wish that Driscoll would have been left out of the chart, because he is so easy to be made an example of because of his conservative side, he is basically John Pipper with an iPod.

I guess I'm an addictions worker

So my life has taken me on many journey's. During my years at Providence College, I constantly fought about what it means to feel 'called' to youth work, but having a particular passion for the church. I guess this last statement needs to be qualified, church has been a struggle for me. I guess once you go down a certain path a lot of 'mainline' churches are no longer an option for you, since you are thinking about life and church so utterly different. Providence was a place I was able to fall in love with the church again(maybe for the first time), but the church I fell in love in with belongs on the fringes of soceity.

After my intership at a fairly conservative church in Winnipeg, it was clear that I needed to take a step back from 'ministry'. Just a quick word on that word 'ministry', I feel most Christian are involved in ministry and how many Christians use this word is crippling to the work of the Kingdom. In spite of many struggles during my internship including a periode of depression and seeing a counselor(I must admit my counselling session were extremely helpful for 'reclaiming my story'), I got through my internship with a better understanding of what it means to be a Christian in postmodern/pluralist world.

So I got married and after going through two horriable jobs I stumbled upon my dream job, a Treatment worker at a therapeutic community in Selkirk. So a therapeutic community is a treatment centre(aka rehab) that does not believe in the disease model. So we feel that addictions and behaviors are largely due to learned behavior( an example is if you grow up seeing you parents drink their problems away and turn to drugs for stress relief a child will see turning to drugs as a viable copping mechanism, this model is very much aligned with the family systems model I learned in counselling class at Providence). Anyways I love the job, I am able to use all my gifts and develope a better understanding about addictions and aboriginal culture, which I feel more called to ministering with than any middle class setting.

I guess in the last little while I feel blessed to have this oportunity to be involved in the healing and restoration process in these teenagers. I keep on meeting amazing people, commited to being a positive presence for these teenagers, who honestly were born into family and situations where they have very little supports and are thrown to the wolves of life. I keep thinking to myself that if I had been put in a similair situation, I'd gotten into drugs, sleeping around, involved in crime without friends and family to give me direction.

My world is definitely changing, learning a lot about the effect of addictions and growing up in a world where teens are left to be the adults in a culture that almost encourgages addictions as normal. Sometimes I wish we could just keep these teens at the centre, because even though they accomplish so much during treatment we are throwing them back to a world that is going to eat them up, where everyone is addicted to drugs in some form or another..maybe the most heart wrenching fact is that most of the teenagers are exposed to drugs by their parents and some of the time before the age of 10. So I am an overworked, underpain, underappreciated, but hopeful addictions worker......

Work is really hard at the moment....

Well I should start off by saying I love working with teenagers. I'm not sure if I would say I am 'Called', but definitely have a gift. This gifting is part due to experience and part personality. This was always a struggle at school when asked when you were called, because in part I believe everyone is called to do good work. To separate those in full time ministry and those not merely put up walls for christian conversations on the Christian life.

I am a treatment worker at treatment centre for teens with addictions and co-occurring disorders. I guess sometimes I wonder how people get into this line of work, because one does not get a lot of money. In reading Donald Miller, I started to ask more why questions that many of the people at work have answered similarly. However, it seems we have a few staff who have lost that visions and because a job not a way of life. One of the staff constantly engages in power struggles with the teens and get them kicked out of the program, if she doesn't like them. I struggle how to address this because I think she does a good job as a counsellor. However, she does create tension and conflict for the teens and hinders the healing for redemptive work that can happen.

Well we have team meeting tomorrow, I believe a lot of the tension will come to head tomorrow. This weekend everything came to a head as the staff got a teen discharge for basically swearing at her, when she called a house meeting on rumors. To make the story short she started accusing the guys of obtaining drugs, which led the guys to react strongly and swear at her. I am not defending the guys for swearing, but being sworn at is an everyday occurrence at work.

I guess this is sort of a prayer request. I've been doing a lot of praying about the situation, mostly how to address the situation in a loving, peaceful, and Christ like fashion. I firmly believe that this staff is a toxic influence for our therapeutic community.

Why I love Bright Eyes...

Well in November Trisha and I went to see Bright Eyes, the concert was amazing!!!! The band played for almost 90 minutes. I've been thinking a lot lately why I enjoy his music so much. A lot of the songs are cynical and jaded, which I don't think I am. I think my life has taken me to a place where Christian music is dishonest to real emotions and life experiences. To listen to CCM music is like everyone is on cloud nine with their hands raised and no worries about life or what is going on in the universe.

I think the reason I like him so much is that I see lots of how I view life in his songs. I think my main difference is that I had loving parents and a somewhat positive experience of church/ministry growing up. I am not sure I would be a Christian if I didn't have those experiences. I think for a long time I have felt out of place in the church, many times I heard if I don't love the church I don't love Jesus. Somehow that hurts, since the church can do whatever she wants without being held responsible for anything.

Bright Eyes allow for honesty and truthfulness of life that can't always be explained away by slogans or reciting verses. Bright Eyes has beauty, honesty, and passion..all the parts of creation I see and would like to emulate in life.

With all my critics of the Church I must admit that many of my struggles with the Church is really with a stream of the Church I was brought up in, but those years are over. I now belong to a community that does not suppress questions, simplify following Jesus, or even believe in the after life the way i was taught.

What's brewing

Well I am lover of coffee. For the last three years my coffee source has been the 'Black Pearl', a coffee roaster in Winnipeg. Since consuming from 'Black Pearl', I have attempted only to buy fair trade blends, which I must say have always treated me kindly.

Every Christmas the 'Black Pearl' brings in a couple extra treats for the coffee lover. This year their was even a fair trade selection a Uganda "White Nile", which is very nice. Not nearly as strong as I usually drink, but very nice. I imagine over the holiday, Trisha and I will be enjoying a cup of the Uganda "White Nile" a lot. Another fun treat that we pick up is Mayan Hot Chocolate, which is more a syrup than your standard hot chocolate. We we're advised to only have shots of it or add it to a special coffee or liquor.

Well, I hope everyone has some fine beverages over the holidays with friends and family.

BHF residents and salvation

At BHF in October we had a lot of residents who considered themselves 'ex-Christians' or I use to be a Christians. This was particularly interesting for me and led to many interesting conversations, especially in regards to promises in the Bible about Jesus(ie. he will never leave us or once we have received salvation life is easier-- I know this one is probably more a tenant of a stream of Christianity than what Jesus teaches in the Gospel, but it is so prevalent in churches in North America it is hard to get away from). One resident from Nunavut gave the response that he is no longer a christian because Jesus let him down, so he is going to live life for himself. This resident grew up in a fairly conservative/evangelical family with a literalistic view of the Bible.

As I was having these conversations, it hit me that a lot of their problems with Christianity is that promises they were told in a typical conversion or sinner's prayer experience had no real value in life. While these teens might be extreme cases with having little family to rely on, thus having no supports during the tumultuous adolescence.

I always went back to a song my friend Joey turned me onto by Brand New called Jesus Christ. I have included the lyrics below and bolded the parts that these teens were asking and questioning again and again.

Jesus Christ by Brand New

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
It’ll be a miracle
Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
With nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through
And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won’t know anyone
Jesus Christ, I’m alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Because this problem is gonna last
More than the weekend
Jesus Christ I’m not scared to die
But I’m a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot
Or do I float through the ceiling
Or do I divide and pull apart
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
This ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?
I know you're coming in the night like a thief
But I’ve had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear
I’ll try to nail you back up
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you're coming for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine


I kept on thinking about these boys, every time i listen to the lyrics and wonder the role of the Church in salvation. I am becoming very skeptical about any understanding of salvation that is separated from a church community. I am hoping to read Scot McKnight's A community called Atonement shortly, I figure he will touch on these topics. I doubt even the strongest of adolescence stand a chance in this world without people to support them and be the Church.

Hymn of Remorse

Hymn of Remorse
Words and music by Brian McLaren and Tracy Howe, 2007, Brian McLaren.
Publishing, Revolution of Hope Music Group SESAC 2007, all rights reserved. Registered with CCLI

We covered over your colorful earth with grey cement
We cut own trees and stripped the soil wherever we went
We scarred the hills for gold and coal
Blind with greed inside our soul
Our goal to have complete control
Lord we repent

We have children we don’t love so we shove them away
Make sex a drug, the more we take the more we crave
From tender kiss to slamming doors
From sacred vows to lawyer wars
Break ours down to mine and your
With no remorse

Lord, have mercy. Can we be restored?
Lord, have mercy.

What of the lands of tribes and nations who lived here first?
Who took the best with broken treaties and left the worst?
By whom were slaves bought, used and sold?
Who valued people less than gold?
Who told us racist lies until our hearts went cold?

The noise of traffic is drowning out the songbird’s song.
Your voice within us telling us that we’ve gone wrong.
You call us from our selfishness,
To be blessed and to bless.
To turn to you, begin anew.
Lord we say yes.

Lord, have mercy. Can we be restored?
Lord, have mercy.

Is God more like a tailor or iceberg?

Obviously our view/understanding how God works in the world grossly influences us. On Sunday evening Jamie made the proposal that often times we talk about God in terms of a tailor. God with a big needle in the sky occasionally contacts and influences the world. These contacts vary in magnitude, Jesus being the biggest. However, Jamie states that maybe an iceberg would be a better way to understand God's influence. Like a iceberg, God is always present, but we only see what is on the surface.

I found this understanding more powerful. I wonder how understanding that God is ever present(even if hidden a lot of the time) would change the way we live here and now. Do we wait on the big events, such as which the tailor model points towards or do we believe something more all encompassing.

Let's Confess it by Brian McLaren

Let’s Confess It
Words and music by Brian McLaren

Let’s confess it: there’s a lot of evil, lust and greed in our world. Oppression and sin
build up pressure within until there’s an eruption of corruption. Beneath the skin, we
skid and spin in spiritual crisis where vice is the norm, and justice, kindness, humility,
and civility are all too rare.

Unaware of our despair, we smile in denial and say “It’s all OK. No need to change, no
need to grow, just have another drink or smoke, tell another joke, and don’t think or
rethink. Make another buck, with some luck you can buy a bigger house, store more
stuff, drive fast, look good, keep up.”

Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.

Meanwhile, addiction, rejection, and a lack of reflection spawn friction, dejection and a
loss of direction. Every family, community, and nation are shaken. Creation’s resources
are carelessly taken. And pollution scars every ocean, mountain, breeze, and shore, with
visible symptoms of our inner war.

We’re all victims. We’re all villains. We’re stuck in the web that we spun ourselves. But
God lights a spark of hope in the dark to help us cope with all that’s wrong and needs to
be made right. God has come into all our pain, shame, and loss through the cross, and
calls us to a path of life, love, purpose, and peace.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy.

If we humble ourselves to believe and receive, a river will flow and a candle will glow in
a secret sacred place within us, very deep, where we have been wasting in shadows, halfdead
or half-asleep. We’ve been falling in a vicious viral downward spiral that leads to
death. Let’s wake up, hear God calling, take a deep, fresh breath.

Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

“We confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we
have done and what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart
and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly
repent. For the sake of your son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and please forgive, that
we may finally and fully learn to live in dignity and unity, integrity and harmony,
delighting in your will and walking in your ways, to the glory of your name. Amen.”

Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.

McLaren Music Project

A group of song writers including Brian McLaren recently released a collections of songs titled Songs for a Revolution of Hope Vol. 1, these songs apparently are based on his new book. I am finding the songs very refreshing and helpful in my journey. I hope to post a lot of the lyrics over the next little while, if you are interested in the project go here.

The first song is called Atheist, it is probably the 'commercial' song on the cd.

Atheist

I am an atheist when it comes to the god of violent jihad.
I am an atheist when it comes to the lord who converts by the sword
I am an atheist when it comes to the mission of politicians using religion as ammunition.

I believe in you - the artist of trees and galaxies
I believe in you - the poet of oceans and rivers and streams
I believe in you - the god of compassion who calls us to action
I believe in you

I can’t believe what they believe but I believe in you (4X)
I can’t believe what they believe but I believe in you (4X)
I believe in you - majestic designer of space and time
I believe in you - composer of beauty and music of life
I believe in you - the holy forgiver and wild reconciler
I believe in you

I am an atheist to the gods of the greedy ignoring the needy.
I am an atheist to the gods who make others torture and suffer
I am an atheist when it comes to the view of the chosen few, who judge and condemn all who differ them.

I believe in you … mighty in meekness and gentle in power
I believe in you … the word who has spoken good news to the broken
I believe in you … Transcending mystery, with us in history
I believe in you

A date with Bruce..

Well my return to the Blog world isn't going so well. I keep on thinking of things I want to share, but can never find the time to write. I just wanted to share that I recently bought tickets to a Bruce Springsteen show in the U.S. I am really pumped about this, I can't wait to experience Bruce in person. I hope to share some deeper thoughts sometime soon.

A Return to the Blog world with Volf

Well it has been almost 6 weeks since my last blog. I am probably not the best blogger, because quite a bit has been going on at work and in my thoughts. I am just going to leave a quote I read yesterday from Miroslav Volf. A quick note on the context, Captain G. is a man who interrogated Volf for a couple months in the 80's.

Furthermore, what effect, if any, does the death of Jesus Christ to save the ungodly have on Captain F. as an abuser? Christ "died for all," says the Apostle Paul; therefore, in some sense " all have died," not just those who believe in Christ (Corinthians 5:14). Captain G. too? Then how should I remember his abuse, given that Christ atoned for it ? Or does Christ's atonement have no impact on my memory of his wrongdoing?

If One died for the salvation of all should we not hope for the salvation of all ? Should I actively hope for Captain G.s entry into the world to come? More, Christ died to reconcile human beings to one another, not only to God.....The banquet is an image the N.T frequently uses to describe that reconciled world. Captain G. and I sitting together at the table feasting with laughter and camaraderie? A very scary thought, but not an impossible scenario! What would it mean to remember his wrongdoing now in view of such a potential future?

Books and Music

Well my summer was really busy, which didn't allow for a lot of reading time. I hope to change this in the fall, these are some of the books I am working through at the Culleton-Koebel household.

Books:

Mission Al Jazeera by Josh Rushing - Follows Josh Rushing an ex-Marine turned Al Jazeera reporter. I am not one to find war books/movies as intriguing or interesting for that matter. However, Rushing does a good job showing how truth is subverted to support various political agendas. Rushing got his '15 minutes of fame' as he was unknowingly the star of Control Room, a documentary on the war in Iraq - I am hoping to watch Control Room in the next week.

The Last Word by N.T. Wright - In the last year Wright has become someone who I've turned to more in what it means to say the Bible is authoritative. I hope this book give insights in how a christian is to take the Bible as being authoritative with all we know about how the Bible's authors.

The Ground Beneath Her Feet by Salman Rushdie - Early this summer I read my first Rushdie book, I was blown away by the beauty of his storytelling. I hope that my second run is equally fulfilling. So far the words spring off the page and paint a mosaic of experiences and worldviews. I must say I have never read anyone who writes with the beauty of Rushdie.

A song from last night...

This is the song for communion.

Come to me by Mike Koop

I am weary
I am weak
I am thirsty
All you said was
Come to me
Come to me (3x)
All you siad was come to me

I am haunted
I am so vain
I am so filthy
All you said was
Come to me Come to me...

I said you're nothing
I said no, I'm right
I said I hate you
All you said was
Come to me
Come to me..

Going to see Bright Eyes

The last little while I've had a bit of bad luck with going to concerts. We we're gonna go to the Wilco show, but then the guitarist got sick. So I have been eagerly waiting for a concert to attend then the Kanye West show became known, but I work that night and the tickets are really pricey (the cheapest are $70.00). I was actually pretty irritated that due to my working evening I was going to miss Kanye, but my love for concerts will be fulfilled soon as Bright Eyes is coming to town. I have been a huge fan of Bright Eyes, which is a indie-rock/folk band. The lead singer Conner Oberst grew up catholic, but now questions his parents faith. His questions have helped and challenged my faith a lot. Anyways to make matters better our tickets are 12 rows back from the stage. This will be my second Bright Eyes show..so I am really pumped!

Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein

I'm not sure what is about me when I hear about a Canadian doing thing I respect that makes me proud to be Canadian. I don't think its that I am not unpatriotic, but maybe being Canadian isn't a defying thing for me as a person. Nonetheless whenever I encounter the work of Naomi Klein in the little portions that I've read -- I am proud to say I am a Canadian. Here is a little video that introduces her new book - Shock Doctrine - enjoy.

9/11

Well I guess its that time of year again. I imagine it will sound trite whatever I say about 9/11, but every year it seems this day sticks out. I think the more I think about it all I can say is that I pray for those who've lost love ones through this tragic event. I include all those in my prayers: Americans, Iraqis, and all those other countries that have been attacked under the 'war on terrorism'. I think my only solace in thinking about the vast amount of tragedies in the world is a prayer for peace. Not praying to understand how God 'uses' tragedy to bring about redemption, because a God that uses violence is not a God I care to know.

All I can do is pray that those hurt turn to peace, not vengeance. I listen to Road to Peace by Tom Waits and prayer for peace. Peace for those suffering that they have people who will sit Shiva with them and not try to explain away the reason this and that happened. Mostly, because any answer fails to help and only creates perverse understanding of the way God works.

I watched a video a couple months ago sent to me by a friend posted on Juan Cole's Blog about an Iraqis response to the Americans bombing Iraq and her response hit me. She basically asked for God to repay these evil deeds. Maybe God responds this way, much like the Old Testament describes them(if that is the case I'm not sure how Jesus fits in with this God). It struck me that the Iraqis response is similar to many Americans response to being attack that God would seek revenge for their loss. Just wondering if there is a difference between and American/Iraqis plea....

Cranberry-Port Conserve

Well on my days off I try to cook dinner for Trisha and myself. Since, we bought some cranberries at the farmer's market a couple weeks back we wanted to try a cranberry sauce-chicken dinner. So last night I made a Cranberry-Port Conserve. I wasn't sure the conserve would turn out, but when all was said and done it was a success. So we had the conserve with grilled chicken and spaghetti squash. I imagine we will try this menu again and to end the evening I watch Monday Night Football with a couple of glasses of Sheperds Ridge Pinot Noir 2004, which went really well with the dinner. This was a bit of a surprise. This was a shocking because I hadn't really tasted a Pinot Noir that I enjoyed, but ever since watching Sideways Pinot Noir has a mystic that cannot be explained. Well hope everyone has time to try something new for dinner with some friends and family.